Jan is long so is a Grandslam

It's been a boring week with nothing much to do at the office than listening to the recent stories of layoff's by Microsoft, Maxwell Semiconductors, Sasken etc. You never know when it hits you so until it hits you just go back and relax and listen to the Australian Open commentary on the radio.


Currently my earphones are plugged ofcourse into my ears and listening to the match between Rafa and Verdasco, the SF at Rod Laver Arena. Those commentators are really doing a good job and they keep the game quite interesting to hear it on the radio and you just get a feeling that you are seeing the match Live. Add to it they also read e-mails, add their views and insights to the game. The one good thing I like about any commentary is you learn a lot about the game. Concentrate on the history they are talking to and that's how you build your knowledge on the sport. If you want to watch any stupid game that you have got no idea about, be it American Football, Baseball, Rugby, Golf or even Fencing listen to what those guys are screaming at the box. My strengths Cricket and Tennis which you must have known by now.

Before turning on the AO radio I was listening to Nickelback - Rockstar and the lyrics are good if you haven't seen them and the song is awesome. Takes a while to appreciate the Rock music if you are not that rebellious type. You can say what kind of a person is he by knowing the type of music is he currently listening to. It is so true.

Surprised Bhupathi/Mirza pair is doing so good. Even more surprised Bhupathi is doing good in doubles too. Paes is going well with his doubles partner too. I thought they both have well past their prime. And Mirza never reached her prime so there is no question of her passing it.

To talk about sports still, David Beckham plays for AC Milan. If that is not news, then his Italian teammates who believe that touching something will bring good luck to them, touches Bekcham's bum to do well in that match. Beckham must have insured it. J-Lo was the first person to get her bum insured. What part in a girl would like to touch if she liberally allows you to do so when you say touching something will bring you lady luck ? Could be a nice trick to employ but protect your cheeks for safety by closing them with both your hands after dropping the request.


And to brighten up your day, recollect your school rhyme "Johnny Johnny - yes papa". Modified version of it by taking a dig on disgraced former Satyam CEO B. Ramalinga Raju which I've found it on the net is below.

Raju Raju,
Yes papa.
Cheating us,
No papa.
Telling Lies,
No papa.
Open the balance sheet,
HA HA HA !!!

Jan just ran

Right, the gone week was a long week. Three days off and what did I do ? Nothing spectacular to tell that to you freaks, who feed on every little hint that I give you. I was watching tennis all day long on Saturday. Sunday was even better because it was 8 to 8 duty on tennis on the TV. Federer got out off the jail, Dokic is having a fairytale run and Djokovic was knocked out off the Australian Open citing that he was tired because of the excess heat in Melbourne. Time to draw the daggers on the Serb.


Few, ok most of them have left their homes for a vacation during the weekend. I was scared to even step out of the house and go to the nearest ATM that's there in the mall. Reason: Alleged Pakistani terrorists were killed in our city outskirts in the wee hours of Sunday morning, when the ATS police tried to stop them. So this means eventually the fear of terrorist attacks is hounding me and you become paranoid with every attack from here on. Mumbai attack has really ingrained the fear in everyone's mind, all over the country.

It's easy to see how one gets succumbed easily to fear than confidence.

"That is because human brain is more receptive to negative thoughts than positive thoughts".

Go check the validity of that statement with some research Professor in a University. In Times of India, the page adjacent to the Editorial page is good to point such brainless topics taking into account a ridiculous research poll conducted by some xyz institute to fill the pages. But my statement does not need any validation coz you people have experienced enough number of times already that you agree to it without any pre conditions.


I always wanted to see the Republic day parade or the Independence day celebrations but detest the fact that I have to wake up early and be there by 7 am in the cold, sitting at a corner place where literally nothing is visible even with my new glasses. One also has to think of the security even though you have India's latest missile technology is on display at the Rajpath. Saw that parade few times on the TV when I was matured in my childhood but not anymore. Annual holidays have become just an other holiday bearing no significance to many youngsters.


But did you any time listen to the guard of honour or the national anthem played using trumpets when the President or the Prime Minister salutes the commanders, soldiers at their war memorials who have given their lives in the interest of the country ? If you ever had the hair standing stiff on your hand for a brief moment while listening to the National Anthem, it is called Patriotism. If it din't then you don't have it - the love for your country.

Determined lip bite

We know a lip bite can mean a lot of things. How about an enticing lip bite by a woman? That should set your male perverts pulses racing. Clean your brain for once of the dirty thoughts and imagine how a determined lip bite to achieve something noteworthy would look like ?

Asking you freaks to give some work to your brain is like asking a 3 yr old kid to give his toys back. Taj Mahal, Charminar and the above said phrase can only be said and understood but can never be compared or copied.

Did you ever bite your lip to indicate something to anyone ? Asking questions to you and expecting answers from you cheap freaks is of no use. You don't do anything interesting in your life. Don't cry. Neither do I. Atleast I am trying to entertain and drive away the misery in your life for few minutes when you read my posts. Really ? Enough said bullshit. This is Ana Ivanovic showing determination during her tennis match in the Australian Open 2009.



I just cannot believe the amount of colour and glamour she brings to my blog. Pinch yourself if you don't feel the same.

Back after Pongal

So 7 days just flew by at home. When you get time in the train to ponder what you have done at home, you wont get an answer to that coz you have done nothing. Now you haven't done anything coz you did not want to step out of your house. Home made food prepared by your mom is more than sufficient, for you starving freakings who are working in an alien place away from home for the big money. Let me just stay with my parents for few more days.

How great would it be if I had a job in my hometown which would be paying me the same as it was in that alien city ?

That's how badly you miss your home which you don't really try to acknowledge.

After turning you homesick, which I take pride in doing so, I can understand you freaks are waiting desperately to see a post on this blog. Ok, I pretty well know you are not demented to get addicted to this blog. But if you are addicted to few things, you long for it. Be it blog, beedi, brandy or bitch.

Things are normal at my work place. I somehow feel that I always paint a neutral picture to whatever things I do. That gives you a feeling that I hide things. Ingen problem.

We had couple of seminars yesterday and today. I can call that training. If a seminar extends for more than an hour, rule of thumb says, stop the crap that you've been dishing and look at the faces of the people.

I haven't really addressed a seminar in full force yet. But I surely know the tips. It needs some belief in yourself to address the crowd in the chairs, no matter how familiar you are with them in your cubicles. Being familiar helps but thorough knowledge of your slides and half an hour practice of voice modulation the day before the presentation, helps a lot. That 'wow' factor will be visible in your presentation if you had practiced. People practice looking into the mirror with a reason.

Another tip, I am giving it to you for free. Try to start and end the seminar confidently without searching for words. If you had to mug up those often repeated words, please do so. Atleast you give an impression that seminar was 'average' feeling to the audience instead of them terming it 'bad'.

Ok one final thing. I know you've all through your life spent time in the presentation hall as a spectator and waited for the slides to finish. Try to pose a simple question and see how you talk amongst the people. That will not only drive away the sleep in you but also in others. You need to have balls to even ask a question. That's why you don't do that. Ask a normal question and see the confidence that you discover in yourself for the spur of the moment.


I cannot spoon feed you everything for you to become a gentleman. I can neither hand mould you to become a superstar with a celebrity status and an overflowing Swiss bank account with Euros. Few things have to be tried and tested to have a feel of that thing. Like your belief, hardwork and my advice.

Fear of...

Ever wondered with how many fear of's are you living everyday. Do you fear of anything in your miserable journey called life? Just give it a shot. Think of it once. You did not get any. You won't coz you have been living all your life in a denial mode. So you don't fear of anything? Get real atleast now. See the list below and tell me even if you don't agree with atleast one of them.

It ticked off with Jack sending the word of the day. Ergasiophobia - which means fear of work. He then posed a question saying, what is fear of idleness and what is fear of fear? Not a bad query to get a nut head started.

Me: That's the word of the day. Few more current thought worthy fears.

Fear of shit, fear of chicks, fear of s.x, fear of love, fear of dysfunction, fear of alcohol, fear of cigarette, fear of getting rejected, fear of disasters, fear of bombs, fear of unable to crash monitors, fear of deadline breaking, fear of public hp, fear of ONS, fear of s.x before marriage, fear of infideltiy, fear of traffic jams, fear of late coming, fear of unironed clothes, fear of obesity, fear of hair loss, fear of no mails, fear of Windows, fear of programming, fear of sports, fear of India losing, fear of power cuts, fear of savings, fear of cheating, fear of Religare and fear of Marriage.

I won the first round. Jack definitely did not expect a violent response early in the morning. He was taken aback but he found fear of Religare hilarious because he has a love - hate relationship with it. I asked him, "Did I miss anything? Add few more fear of's. It's heading into the blog".

He: Fear of blogging, fear of reading blogs (this stupid one that you are reading right now), fear of colleagues... ..... (he is stuck thinking should I really write).....

Me: Hehe...fear of reading blogs...boy, that's very funny. Not enough, add few more.


He has no idea where he is heading to. After little persuasion he trickled few more fear of's on an installment basis.

He: Fear of parties, fear of gays, fear of transsexuals, fear of good working colleagues, fear of bad boss, fear of job cuts, fear of high restaurant bills, fear of sleepy afternoons, fear of 4'o clock sun.

Me: Not bad, keep 'em coming...

Fear of typing, fear of bulshitting, fear of smart looking guys, fear of old age, fear of getting trampled, fear of blabbering, fear of low confidence, fear of docs, fear of ppts, fear of 38 waist, fear of non jockey underwears, fear of body odour, fear of slow internet, fear of losing mobile, fear of noida, fear of car driving, fear of fear of's, fear of fund managers.

"This is turning out to be a hilarious exercise", he says and adds,

Fear of snoring, fear of public farting, fear of falling into gutters, fear of Bird Droppings, fear of belching, fear of smoke, fear of machine coffee, fear of BMTC busses, fear of fly overs, fear of age old trees, fear of Bangalore rain... ( he is gasping for breathe now)

Me: Yeah, now you are finally getting into the groove. Fear of bird droppings, stand out one so far. Just cant control laughter imagining the scene. Man hilarious.


I wrapped up the conversation by saying,

Fear of manager, fear of time, fear of in-laws, fear of no funds, fear of testers, fear of bugs, fear of pegs, fear of pubs, fear of aids, fear of holed condoms, fear of removing first shirt button, fear of glasses, fear of contact lenses, fear of chewing gum, fear of sleeping in meetings, fear of appraisals, fear of licking ur new boss' ass, fear of survival, fear of revival, fear of wife arrival, Terror of baayas in train, fear of dumb heads, fear of donating blood, fear of color red, fear of becoming Red.

He forgot what question he posted early in the morning. Subconsciously he knew he won't get an answer and felt enough said. I felt let me leave the rest for the following herd. Get rid of the fear of's one by one, live life and sleep mighty peaceful on your cushion bed.

Happy New Freaking Year

You know what's it like to compliment onself? It will be like this when you lurkers don't say anything.

"Hats off to me for maintaining this blog with a record 50 posts in the last year".

Thanks to my privileged rare visitors, lurkers and to those who feel like posting a comment but would still refrain themselves in doing so for my god aw'freaking'ful posts.

Hope everyone is back to work after the hangover. Most of my new year thoughts that are supposed to be put here were put in my post last year itself. So I do not want to kill you with the same news again. If you have missed reading it, I am there to present that to you here again. I am thinking one year ahead of you. So catch me if you can? If you can't then, catch whatever you can, but don't give a catch.


Cake cutting was the addition this year which was missing last year, infact every year. Drinks were poured more over one another instead of being consumed. Cake was pasted on everyone's face. My roommate and I were reluctant to wipe off the cake while going out for a 20 min walk to the nearest mall to our house, at 12:30 am on Jan 1st. Police constables, who were warming themselves to the bon fire set up with wood sticks,whom we wished, looked at us and were not so keen to return us the wishes. I said, why don't you smile sirjee even on 31st night and that has removed some butterflies in his stomach.

I do not remember anything important that happened last year. It was over quite fast. Nothing noteworthy to speak off. This year I am sure something's gonna change. I like the year 2009 because it ends with '9'. It sort of gives me a positive feeling when I think and write that date on paper anytime. Ofcourse, results of it will be known only by the year end to how much I liked or disliked.


Don't ever think of making resolutions. You know that they don't work. But what you don't know is that you are stupid enough to make the resolutions year after year only to break them the next day. One thing that can work in your favour is try to live everyday without frowning. Just learn to be little more patient than what you are and take some time to listen to whatever crap you friend is trying to say. You don't have to solve his problems, but listen to them. That will give him a feeling that you are actually going to solve them.

Eat healthy and cut down on the junk food. Try not to skip meals at any cost. Don't drink on empty stomach. At the end of the day, even the most healthy persons when they get a check up done, suddenly finds out that they have a symptom in their body which is in moderate condition, if unattended would deteriorate further. Wear nice clothes and don't grudge on others salary, designation, his buxom wife and his material beings. You will only get what you are deserved. If there is any untoward incident that has happened to you, draw some courage which is there in you and hope that this too shall pass. It has to pass.

You may all have received wishes from your best of you buddies, but your wishes will be incomplete without me? No problem, you haven't felt it that way. Try to lend a helping hand, make others happy, keep your faith within and here is wishing you all a very happy new year.