FAQ's on Federer

Roger has lost semifinal clash at Indianwells '08 to Mardy Fish. He hasn't won a title yet this year. This for sure is going to haunt Roger and his fans alike. I made a set of questions that fans may want to ask Roger. Imagine an expert sitting on the other side of the table and answering the questions thrown by fans. Nothing is official. The interview below is the result of my imagination.

Moderator: Questions please.......

Q) What does this victory mean to Mardy Fish ?
A) It means he has just won his first Grandslam title.

Q) Why is Fish so sub-dued after the win?
A) Because he himself could not believe the end result.

Q) Has he got any realistic chance of repeating the same again?
A) Yes, if Roger plays in a wheel chair.

Q) Is this the end of the road for Roger?
A) Most definitely yes.

Q) Can Roger make a comeback?
A) Definitely NO.

Q) Why are non Roger fans so happy to write Roger off?
A) Because they got bored seeing Roger on top for the past four years.

Q) You know, it hurts to read that Roger is on a path of destruction?
A) Imagine how other tennis players would have felt when Roger has given them the same.

Q) So who officially can be the heir to Roger's throne?
A) It is that cocky 20 year old kid from Serbia, Novak Djokovic. It is his season, atleast this year.

Q) Can he do a Roger Federer by winning 12 Grandslam titles?
A) He has the potential. If he keeps his game and head intact he can set that unlucky 13 for Roger as a benchmark for his career.

Q) Will Roger finally accept that Novak can replace him on top?
A) No, he will never accept that. He still insists Rafael Nadal can reach him.

Q) Why is Nole also sub-dued when he defeated Rafa at Indianwells '08?
A) Because Nole knows it's a matter of time before he knocks Rafa from his preferred hard court surfaces.

Q) Is Nole slowly getting matured?
A) He surely is getting there.

Q) So will he be likeable by the fans and critics alike?
A) His results will speak for himself from now on.

Q) Why is no one talking about Rafa in the same breathe as Novak?
A) Because he never really was a contender for the number one slot.

Q) Why are Roger and Rafa friends even in these troubled times?
A) What are friends for !

Q) What is the ultimate humilation for Roger?
A) Losing his Wimbledon 2008 throne to the person he is reluctant to hand over and whom he dislikes the most (Novak Djokovic)

Q) Will Roger be happy to stay at any slot other than number one?
A) Never.

Q) So is he going to do a Borg? Retire from tennis at the young age of 26?
A) Nope. Roger is hungry and greedy. He reiterated many times that he would like to continue till 2012 and then decide from there on.

Q) So is Roger going to experience upsets quite often?
A) It won't be called an upset anymore. Roger has lost his invicibility factor ever since Nole stepped on the scene.

Q) What is the most scariest sight for Roger now?
A) The sight of any ATP qualified professional practising tennis (thinking that they might defeat him).

Q) We as Roger fans still cannot believe he is on a downward slope?
A) Because you are still sleeping and dreaming.

Q) So is it high time for Roger to hire a coach?
A) Your guess is as good as mine.

Q) Can we expect a Roger - Mirka break up?
A) Don't be surprised if you get to hear that news.

Q) Can Roger make a comeback please?
A) Yes he can. Being the champion player he is, he has to show some mettle and the house can be restored. He has to get back to the drawing board, play lesser tournaments, slow down his rate of losses and gain some confidence. Tai-chi, Power yoga and Taekwondo can help him crash few computer monitors and glass plates to get the losses out of his system. Most importantly he has to really accept and welcome new kids on to the scene.

Q) Is it that simple to bring things back on track?
A) It is quite easy to say to keep things simple but the complicated thing is to keep them simple.

Holi

Holi means holi-day which is a holiday. So it's a long weekend for us. Three days off and what are the freaking activities that you are going to do? Or am I going to do? Go to practice court and work your ass off. That's only in tennis and I am ready to put my 100% there. Other areas I always try to put 99.99%. If you come back to holi again, it's again a festival, this time I don't know the history and I could avert blogging it's history. Default story for most Hindu festivals in India: A daemon was killed by a God on that day and people celebrate that thing with honor. I've done the Google thing for you and this your holi link. Note: I haven't read what's in that link and don't scratch your brain for an answer as how I got that link without reading it. To make the blog colorful I am also adding a pic.


Holi means a colorful festival

I might get a bashing again if I utter a word of tennis here. Off to the clay court in the evening is what I am going to do this weekend. No more no less. And I shall be back to office on Monday and should be wondering how these three holidays have just flew past, which everyone had been longing for quite a while.

Random observations:
1. If it's a long weekend people are into a holiday mood from the day before the holidays start.
2.Call centre girls, whom we oogle everyday, on an average are taller and fatter than software girls. Conclusion: Girls with technical background are boring to watch than your commerce/arts background girls.
3.We were served an extra sweet in our lunch by the canteen fellows on account of Holi.
4. A huge of pile of travelling bags were stuffed in the room opposite to reception because of this long weekend.
5. I am developing technical roadblocks on either side of my ear since I started working here. As I type so are my typing skills sliding like an avalanche on the Himalayan glaciers.

6. Girls do still look at me but just as Roger's invincibility factor has been diminishing so is my charming factor.
7. People who make more noise at work are the most likely to be termed, efficient at work, which I beg to differ.
8. You don't make any friends in the office. You only make colleagues.
9. (Point nine should shine...dig your brain deep Rock) The last time I strikingly remember celebrating Holi was in our Bachelor days, where we went to a girls house and put colours to her. (Sweet)

After finishing counting sheep in my dreams just now, I just can't wait to get my hands on my new tennis racket which might arrive this month end. I badly want to improve my game. Time permitting I just want to stretch myself to see the way I progress in the game. Oh yes, that customary tradition of putting colours to the seniors in the office and all the employees might just begin as I see the tray of colours being taken. The one freaking colour that is often used to splash on a Holi day is pink. That is random observation number ten. And I am done.

Sordid weekend

My last couple of posts have been tennis-centric. So I am trying this one not to be. Indianwells tournament has just begun and Roger is to open his account starting today. Novak did not have a easy run in his first match. We don't want to talk about Rafa and his bouncing (tennis) ball - high over the net - which is ungainly to watch. This slow pace court at Indianwells might suit his style than anyone and he has come here this year to defend the title. Roger was knocked in the second round by Guillermo Canas last year and he is feeling fit after being treated for mononucleosis, which he claims, could have hampered his AO 2008 journey at SF itself. I am eligible to use abbreviations and it's upto you to figure them out. My stint with tennis for three days for an hour each day has shown little improvement in my game. Serve is not coming but shoulder pain is. I've served out a basket of 70 odd balls and 35 of them may have crossed the net. Out of 35, how many have fallen on the correct side of the line, did not count. It got extended till this long when I tried this post not to be tennis centric. Dog's tail can never be straightened. Why ?

We got shifted to a new house. This was one of the mini resolution that was planned early this year. So it kind of worked. It's big, it's huge for four freaking bachelors. Rent is hefty too. But this is the time to splurge around. Once you are tied up you can only goof up. I don't have a camera mobile. Or else I would have proudly posted the pictures of our palace with the kitchen. I am not really a miser to buy a cam mobile but now I don't have interest. That will settle some ugly doubts nurtured in some stupid minds. Out of the blue - tomorrow, manic Monday, hasn't started and I am already thinking of the long weekend this coming week - out, out of the blue.

While I was in a rickshaw returning from practice, there was this young kid who was driving it and he took me for the ride back home. It was interesting conversation to know the mind of a rickshaw puller. This bloke borrowed 1000 Rs from his dad and he is repaying it by running a rickshaw. I asked his age and he said he was 15. He earns 100 Rs a day at 15. To drive in this traffic, he also needs muscle and confidence to drag his three wheeler all through the city, which I felt he had. Tough one. I din't feel good coz I was exploiting child labour but I wouldn't have know these facts had I not taken his ride. I asked what would be his next plan. He said, once I repay the money, my dad and I will open a kiosk in some part of the city. And I asked him, will you be happy with that? He said, "whatever we earn that is enough to make us happy. I don't have to worry about the traffic and accidents". Slap on the face for all those who are running madly behind millions of dollars and wanting that extra material thing which you are NOT going to take after your brief period of action on this planet. Save the planet, save the people and make those complicated minds look simple.

Tracking tennis

Sounds as if I am the coach of Roger, who currently is in the hunt for one. Just goes to show the standard he has set for himself and he getting knocked out of Dubai open in the first round is creating one heck of news in the tennis world. The media, the people and the critics are gunning their pens waiting for his downfall in a spiralling fashion.He is the victim of his own success. People expect him to win every point and tournament he steps into. Another victim who falls in this cadre is, Sachin Tendulkar. Now you freaks know why I don't try to work too hard.

Tracking tennis has become a daily habit now apart from cricket. The fact that I am also holding a racket and passing some ripping cross court winners in my mind and clipping the net on court is keeping me glued to this sport for sometime now. I lift my right hand, throw the ball up - the throw goes too high and back when I get ready to put racket on to it - no put the racket down, catch the ball and toss it again. Try one more time but this the time the toss goes forward and have to catch it again. Third time lucky, toss is perfect and angle of the bat is correct but the ball hits the net. Do this two times correctly and your shoulder joint pains. Aww...poor thing. I complain about my shoulder to my coach. Shoulder pain? (You unfit freak and you want to play advanced level quite fast eh , he must have thought but said)May be you are playing after few days break. Thanks atleast you were there to console me. Lesson: In pain maintain self restrain...

Vantage Point was boring initailly but picked up the pace in the later half. So worth a watch. Joke of the day - A Manager to his employee. " Morrison, your fantastic performance through this year will not be forgotten , it's just that you dont get paid for it". This could be the employee's expression.

A more enlarged version of the weird face can be see at the corner.I found this picture on the web. Everytime I see this I break into a giggle. It conveys no expression, no joy, no anguish, no pain, no innocence nothing. It can get as blank as it can get. I had one of the longest and free flowing hair last year. After my hair cut, few people are recognising me, few are forgetting me and few have an expression saying what the heck is his hair style. Its getting weird and curly everyday. When people stare at me I try to give an expression that is similiar to this alien expression.

Manic March

It's that freaking March here ( ok, for you also) where people talk of hectic schedules and doing hefty work saying that it's the financial year end. I still find time to blog here because I am not saying I am busy. Got it? No you din't, so leave it. What have I got to bark in here. Lets see.

I finally could start one of my passions other than cricket, this year and that is tennis. I've been an ardent follower of tennis more so the past couple of years. It's good that I could find sometime in the weekend and have a practice session for couple of hours on Saturdays and Sundays. Things I realised while I got enrolled and had a hit out on clay court :
1. You need to be extremely fit to play the game.
2. It's not as easy as you see on TV. You would get exhausted quickly.
3. If you are beginner like me, try to toss the ball properly right over your head and hit a serve.
4. It needs huge practice to hit any forehand or backhand cross court winner with pinpoint accuracy.
5. If you think you are already good in table tennis and already thinking that you can learn tennis on the same lines, then you got to be searching for your mind. They both only have the word tennis in common and nothing more than that.
6. If you are fat and don't have agility you are better of watching the game on TV. Yes, you can still play the game not on the court but on your computer.

Having said that, if you are passionate about the game you can learn it in a month. It would test all your body joints. Any niggle in any part of your body will be tested. Now I wonder how these guys have been playing the game for more than a decade. My coach, who is in his early twenties and has been playing the game for 8 years, says, I am serving well and improved a bit over the first couple of sessions since he had seen me. Of course man, I have it in me. I am starting the game on clay. I am trying Novak's cross court shots which are currently not going past the net. A better idea would be to remove the net and play. But then, it wouldn't be called tennis without a net, would it?

And India pulls off an amazing CB series one day tournament win in Australia. Last time it was England. This is the last time this CB series is played and it will change it's format next year, perhaps with a new sponsor and may be with more or less teams. We all went down to watch the last 15 minutes of the match at our cafeteria. A big person in the management section in our office has come down and had a look at those who are watching the cricket in office hours. We might expect a mail that people are no longer allowed to watch matches during office hours. But hey, we had seen the match in our one hour break time that's given to us a day. It for sure itches the top guys. I have a solution. One cannot stop the forthcoming itch, but to get rid of the current one, one can surely scratch the itch.

Pearl harper

So I hope things are pretty much settled with most guys in this year. I got up today morning little early today at 7. I switched on TV and found Pearl Harbour telecasted in Star Movies. That locked my eyes for a while. That's the scene when Japanese were getting ready to strike Pearl Harbour and I thought, it's good to watch those action scenes for few minutes before I get ready to my office. So was relaxing and admiring the fighter crafts, tension in the US camp with that half decoded messages and before the US could get their act together they find Japanese planes hovering over US naval base. Japanese fighter crafts drops a bomb in the water, not your stealth bomber or MOAB's which they use it quite often now, but that heavy missile - is that what ? yeah, something like that - which screeches under the water and hits the base of the ship with amazing speed. That's the first strike, good shot.

Woke everyone up and me as well, not the shot, but the SMS from my bank saying your account was debited with forty thousand odd rupees. Pig shit. You wake me up early morning with these SMS's which I had no idea of the transaction? Immediately I wondered if the airline website was the culprit. And to tell what, the money was debited on Feb 14th. Great man. Somebody used my credit card on his valentine's day. How weird for me is that and fun for him? I called up the bank.

Hello, escooz me, I am this fellow from this city. I got an SMS from the bank saying my money was debited. Can you tell the transaction on my credit card..eh eh eh....? Right Sir, I will help you, before I could tell the details please confirm your details and enter the pin number. I am dying here in tension and gasping for breath and somehow I remember the pin number. Thank your sir for verification. There was no transaction made on your credit card. Sir can you tell me is that SMS from credit card or debit card? Nothing was written in the SMS. So she said, Sir I think your transaction could have been from debit card. Please be on line while I transfer your call to the concerned department. ( Freaking do that fast. I am going nuts here....thinking of cancelling the credit card in the process and the stray incident when HSBC credit fellow was robbed of his money comes into my mind from no where....) Am I the victim??? That other department is going to confirm. Sir, you made online transactions two weeks back. Oh did I? Yes I did.Huh..relief... I got an sms for those transactions now? Sir, you got little late. Oh ok.

Sir, I want to inform you of our other offers and the accounts. Would you like to know? Yes. Please be online while I transfer your call. Yes. Thanks. Hang up! Change the channel from Pearl Harbour to Cricket. Safe bet. Get ready to the office and arrive 5 min before. Call my Reliance demat account fellow to know the status. And comes the response, Sir your account is on hold? WTF. You said my application was under process. No sir, it was on hold. So the status of my application was, process - hold - process again - freaking hold again. I want to talk to the manger right now. Put him on line. Tell me the name of the person who has done your application. I don't know. So it's your fault sir. You bird brain, I din't say that.( You have all my details and what else do you want? My DNA samples as well?) We will get back to you very quickly. Bad service from Reliance money not only here but in many places. If your account is activated then the transactions on the website is slow it seems. Somebody even scared me that there are hidden costs as well? I still haven't got any response from them and it's been an hour. Next time, I think twice to watch Pearl Harbour.

The day before V day

I don't qualify even by the slightest margin to write a post on V day, that's your Valentines day, February the 14th. But I will know if I am qualified or not, if only I attempt to write a post on the Do's and Dont's on V day which you ideally want to know on your V day or the D-day. The tips are applicable for both the genders preferably with a little inclination to men, on what they should be doing ideally on this day.

DO's:

1. Put on your best possible dress in which you felt glamorous, handsome and like the Hero of your family. Remember the day you received the best compliments for wearing that dress.
2. Smile stupidly, even though you know that you are making yourself a weirdo.
3.Eye contact they say is very important. And girls do observe that. Yes, they are the first ones to look for assurance. So sit on your chair and don't take your eyes off even if you hear a cyclone warning.
4. Fix your place before hand. Suggest her couple of places where you want to hang out that evening. Make sure the place where you wanted to go is a better option than the other one you suggested, which means, she most probably is coming into your dungeon.
5. Strike a conversation first up. Put your male ego aside for once and make the atmosphere pleasant for her. Pretend to be submissive. You will have your turn to unveil your machiavellian side.
6. Patience. Whatever is your motive, let it not be an ulterior one. If it's not happening today it will happen some day because you made her feel special this day. Girls don't forget things as easily as men do.
7. Praise her a little lesser than what you'd normally do. It will show her that how matured you are.
8. Introduce her to any of the known people you come across ( even the waiter) and tell them that she is your good friend. Fullstop.
9. Do the pick and drop service for free and expect nothing. Expecting nothing should always lead into to a positive result.
10. Evening, after spending an hour with her, around 8 pm, is the best time to propose if you are having the balls. But if you don't want to let the cat out of the bag then enjoy your dinner, ask her for a dance ( she WILL agree today), sip a drink and drop her back, gentleman like.

DONT's:

1. Don't try your traditional clothing. It's freaking weird. This is not your country's Independence day. Be casual and contemporary in style.
2. Stop staring at her attire, atleast on this day and involve in a meaningful conversation. Rambo - Sports - Gadgets - are definitely not her domain.
3. Don't touch on issues that she feels is sensitive. Don't get into debates. You don't want to know what her dad is thinking of you today.
4. Don't invite her for dinner to your home with your parents. If there is none in your home then home is heaven.
5. Don't try going out today for the very first time. Lot of anticipation will be running through her mind. You don't want to feed a girls brain with indirect assumptions.
6. Don't gulp your drinks as if this is the last time you are going out with her. I know you are elated that she came out, but that doesn't mean your should be out of your senses.

So that's pretty much on how I could get rid of the boredom today. A little thought to my brain and I came up with those points. Times of India, writes this junk stuff every weekend. That's how he sells his paper. I did a little TOI today but then, everything has come out of my mind. Say no to plagiarism. We can see, Shiv Sena protesting V day in Mumbai. That I bet will be the headline in prime time news bulletin tomorrow in CNN-IBN. Is India fast adopting the Western culture ,will be your 10 pm Cross Fire debate program with some junk experts. Ironically, I have TOI delivered to my room everyday and I watch CNN-IBN every night. You can crib at the hilt,but you have to live with what is being delivered to you.

Valentines day has never been special for me. Not expecting it to change anything on this day in the future. It has just been a day in the school, college or office. But people who know me anticipate that there is some activity buzzing around me on this day, however I admit there is none. I've been putting that to off for quite sometime now. It's never ever been special. Yeah, looking for some consolation baby.I know my time would come as well. Exactly. Okay,Thanks baby.